A Day of Questions- Part 2

I finally have decided to complete my post on "A Day of Questions". I thought it would be appropriate to do it today, my mom's birthday. :-)

The same day that Jillian discovered that her mommy and daddy were not brother and sister she had some more questions.

After we went to Costco, we had lunch and then I put the big girls down for their quiet times. Faith took a nap in the pack-n-play in the master bedroom and Jillian took an hour to look at books quietly in her bedroom. Anna and I were downstairs cuddling and I was even sneaking in a little nap myself, when Jillian called down and said, "Mommy, has it been an hour yet?" It had indeed been an hour, but I didn't want Jillian to come downstairs and disturb Anna.

So I told her in my quietest, yet also loud enough voice to carry up the stairs (LOL, something like that really does exist), "Yes, Jillian, but I'll come up there in a minute."

I decided to break the rules and put Anna on the couch with a pillow beside her (so she wouldn't roll off the couch) and went upstairs to be with Jillian.

Our two oldest, Jillian and Faith share a bedroom, their twin beds are right next to each other. I decided to lie down at the foot of Faith's bed, so I could best look at my little four-year old.

I asked Jillian if she wanted to read a book with me. She said, "yes, mommy, but first I have a question." She had the most serious face as she told me this.

"Mommy will you tell me about when your mommy died?"

I was really taken aback and surprised that she had been thinking about that ever since our conversation in the morning.

I replied, "Well, my mommy's heart stopped working (arrhythmia of the heart), and she died and then went to be with Jesus in Heaven."

Jillian looked at me, and said, "No mommy, I want to know everything, everything," she emphasized wanting to know everything by swinging her little arm in a big circle.

I silently said a little prayer right then that God would give me wisdom to discern what I should say. The last thing I wanted to do was scare my four-year old daughter and cause her to fear dying.

"It was the day before Christmas Eve and my mommy was getting all ready for Christmas. During the day she made yummy chocolate chip cookies, divinity, zucchini bread, and then that night I got to help my mom finish wrapping some presents. I told my mom goodnight and that I loved her and then we both went to sleep in our beds. But that night my mom's heart stopped working and she went to be with Jesus in Heaven. I was happy that she was with Jesus, but I was also very sad because I knew it would be a long time before I would get to see her again."

When I said this part, Jillian started rubbing her eyes really hard, trying to keep the tears away, and with great compassion for me said, "That makes me really sad."

I was really touched by her empathy, gave her a hug, and I told her, "Thank you Jillian, it is sad, and it’s alright to be sad. It's hard to say good-bye to someone we love."

"But there also good news because we can trust God and know that He loves us and only allows what is best for us."

"What happened after she died?"

I said, "That's a good question. After someone dies, the people who love the person have a funeral to say good-bye."

“Funerals are very special because you get to share special stories about the person you love.”

"What are some of your special stories mommy?"

"Well, you know how we have mommy dates together? I had mommy dates with my mom too."

“One time my mom surprised my brother, sister, and me with a whole-day long FUN DATE! We woke up in the morning, had donuts for breakfast, and went to the skating rink, then bowling, and then to a movie all in ONE day!!!"

“Another time, just my mommy and me had a "date" and we got to go to a little tea place where we had lunch, then we picked out a beautiful dress for me to wear, and then we went to the salon (it was a discounted salon with beauty students, my mom was smart) and I got my hair curled!!! I felt so special that day and had so much fun with my mom!”

Jillian laughed and said, "Your mommy sounds funny ( this is Jillian's adjective for the adjective/ noun 'fun')."

"Yes, she was a lot of fun!"

"She was silly!" (This is a high compliment from Jillian; she thinks it means " A LOT of fun").

"I think so too." :-)

Then Jillian said the most touching thing, she said, "I think your mommy must have taught YOU how to be a silly mom too. I think you're really silly too."

Even as I write that, it brings to my tears to my eyes, it is the greatest compliment my daughter could have given me to tell me I am like my mom!

I have dozens and dozens of stories to tell of the ways my mom made me feel special as a child. But more than that, she was an example of what it is to seek the Lord daily and to love your children without condition while living a joy-filled life.

I cherish all the moments that God gives to me with my little ones now and I am thankful that I am learning to walk in my mom's footsteps to be "a silly mom".

Happy Birthday Mom! There isn't a day that passes, I don't think about you and miss you. I know even now (from Heaven) you are rejoicing in the gifts of your three granddaughters! Thank you for pouring your life into mine. I love you always.