A Journey of Faith

When we moved to the UK with our nearly one year old, Jillian, in 2006, I was excited about our new adventure but also a little apprehensive.  I did not know how to prepare myself for all the changes we would experience upon moving to England and becoming "foreigners" (that term still sounds a little weird to me).

When we got there, I most definitely experienced culture shock, especially when I went to the grocery store and discovered our grocery bill would have to quadruple. The first couple of weeks Brad and I went to bed hungry, because I just couldn't bring myself to pay the outrageous prices at Marks and Spencers (don't worry, we discovered a more reasonably priced grocery store while there and we did eat).  I also struggled sometimes to understand other people's accents, and always made the mistake of talking about my pants (LOL, that means underwear or panties)!!! And then there was the trial and error of me learning how much all of the British currency was worth (did you know they don't have $1 dollar bills??) And all the while I was learning to live without a car, phone, and television for the first time in all of my life!

But there were also some fun, exciting things to do. My sister came to visit us in Cambridge for our 1st Christmas in England.  And as a gift, my parents bought us multi-day train passes so we could travel together.  We had a great time; we especially enjoyed our adventures in London. And as an added bonus, at the end of Leigha's visit,  Brad and I both had two left-over day train passes.

To make the most of our passes and to also save on the cost of a hotel, Brad and I decided to use one of our day passes to make a day-trip to the city of Bath.  It was an exhausting day, we left our flat early in the morning to make the nearly three mile walk to the train station, took the train to London's King's Crossing, only to transfer to the Underground Metro to go to another train station (another 45 minute trip) to make the nearly 4 hour journey to Bath.

When we finally arrived in Bath, we decided to join a 5 hour walking tour of the city with our 15 month old! We were most definitely a little more brave and young back then.  Our journey home was the same as going there, very long and tiring!  But to me,  it was worth all the trouble and was a terrific experience ( I love Jane Austen). The experience did, however, cause me to really rethink the idea of having more children anytime soon.

Prior to being married, Brad and I had discussed our desire to have our children close in age, so they could be friends and play-mates with one another.  But Jillian was a surprise (9 months and 12 days after getting married), and living on a graduate student stipend overseas was most certainly a surprise, so I no longer thought that was the best plan.

I told Brad that day, I don't think we should have another baby while we are here (in other words, the next two years).   I then made the argument, "No one would blame us for not having a baby. In fact, I think people would respect and admire our decision. :-)  This is the wise thing to do."  In retrospect, that was a ridiculous thing to say, because it mattered little what other people thought of us. But God still had a lot of work to do in "growing me up" at that point in my life, I still cared a lot about what people thought of me and my decisions.

Brad gently reminded me that we had been praying about this decision for months and we felt like God had given us the desire to have another child while living here.

"Well, I think I have changed my mind."

There were so many things I wanted to experience while living over there and I could NOT imagine doing it with two in tow (even being pregnant is an exhausting experience).

Brad compassionately told me, "Well let's just keep praying about it. I know for me, I want to be in the center of God's will for me, difficult or not. "

I agreed to continue to pray about it.

The next morning, before we left for our church, I told Brad again despite what we had felt led to do the last couple of months, I no longer felt certain that God wanted us to have another child. And because I wasn't certain, I thought it best that we err on the side of caution and not put ourselves through the "difficulty" of having a baby in a place that was not our home.

And then I added, besides, even if this is a "mistake", God's grace is sufficient even in our mistakes!  I thought my thinking was BRILLIANT! ;-) Even if God had a "different plan" for us, He wasn't limited by my mistakes, and He would work it all out!

We started out on our long walk to church and I began to feel convicted about my attitude. The truth was I DID want to be in the center of God's will and I wanted to obedient even if it meant being "foolish" in the eyes of the world.  So I began to pray, "Lord, please speak to me today from your Word and from your servant Marvin in his sermon."  And then over and over again, I repeatedly told myself, "God's grace is sufficient, even in my mistakes."  And then I prayed, prayed, prayed... "God please speak to me, give me YOUR wisdom."

We got to church, and I opened the Sunday program to discover that we were going to be reading the story of Jesus expelling demons into a herd of swine (Mark 5:1-20).  Not promising...

I was disappointed.  It did not seem likely that God was going to speak to me about following His will in the sermon for that day.

Well, I was wrong (and it wasn't for the first time either). As always, God amazed me.  Marvin preached an excellent sermon and I was learning a lot, but at one point, Marvin made what I felt like was a side note (because even at the time I could not remember how it related to the message) and he said, and I quote, "God's grace is sufficient in our mistakes... BUT we should not take advantage of that grace."

My jaw dropped (I know that's a little cliche, but its true).  I could not believe it.   This was not a re-occuring theme in Marvin's sermons and I had never heard him speak those words before.

I was in absolute awe! I could not believe that Marvin spoke the same exact words that I had been meditating on that day.  Not only that, Marvin spoke about the love of money vs. the love or righteousness and being in the presence of God.  (Some of the swine herders were angry with Jesus and wanted him to go away because of the large herd of pigs that had drowned because of the demons. They would have rather been in the presence of a demon-possessed man, then lose their money/ livelihood).

That day we came home, and Brad and I talked about what we had heard in the sermon that day. I told Brad I was scared, and I that I didn't feel like I had the "faith" to have a baby! And how could God call me to do something that I didn't feel equipped to do (I have since discovered, He does that all the time)!

Brad responded by telling me one of the most beautiful things I have ever had spoken to me, "Lauren, I believe that God not only sees us for who we are today, but who He is creating us to be. He will increase your faith."

Our sweet daughter Faith was born to us 9 months later! :-)  The last three years and 9 months have not all been a bed of roses, there have been times of great sadness and anxiety for me.  It has also been humbling; I have been brought to my knees more as Faith's momma than anything else in my life.   There have also been times in this journey that I have turned temporarily away from God in my anger because of my disbelief that He was fulfilling His promises to me. But through it all, God has taught me more about His character and what it is to have true faith.  The Lord has truly been faithful to us (and His promises).  I thank God that He lead both Brad and I to walk in faith and have our little girl.

"Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see."  Hebrews 11:1

To read our very 1st post on this blog, go here. We announced the news that we were pregnant through e-mail and told our family and friends we were starting a blog. :-) The Promised Land sermon was a couple of months before the Swine sermon, and it began our conversation with the Lord and one another about having a baby while in the UK!